Author, sex coach, international speaker, magazine columnist and sexologist, Trina Read answers your questions about sex after childbirth.
Q. I recently gave birth to my third child and am too exhausted to entertain any advances from my husband. I didn’t feel like this previously after giving birth. Help!
A. Take heart, your lack of libido is incredibly common. Having a third child is definitely a game changer – especially when it comes to having any ‘me-time’ (what’s that?) or one-on-one time with your partner.
With everything else going on in your life, this can easily put stress on how you manage your relationship, health, and happiness. So it’s best to mentally fortify and frame this as a season in your life and that in time shall pass. But it can only pass if you make efforts now.
Although seemingly overwhelming, sexual intimacy needs to be a priority; something you put on the to-do list, where sex is scheduled. It’s not so much about having sex, it’s more about making sure you spend distraction-free quality time together. If you’re both into a cuddle instead, then that’s okay too.
It comes down to the ‘stitch in time’ principal where you two intentionally nurture intimacy even when exhausted or disconnected. Because three years down the road when your baby is more independent, you will avoid cleaning up an icky relationship- feeling-isolated-and-angry mess.
Do your best to get into a sex/ intimacy/ affection once-a-week rhythm where the focus is on relaxation and feeling close.
It’s much easier to get in the mood when you have consistent, daily affection: holding hands, cuddling, sitting next to each other.
Q. Since having my baby, I’ve experienced a lot of pain in my hips and sex isn’t comfortable. What can I do?
A. Experiencing hip pain during pregnancy and then for many weeks, even months after birth is not uncommon. It’s normal to struggle with sexual comfort as painful joints can make it tedious to move into a position you are used to. It may mean a few simple tweaks to how you currently have sex.
First thing is to get a check up from your family doctor to make sure your body is okay to manage sex. Once your doctor gives the green light, it’s time to take a look at ways to make intercourse comfortable.
New Positions To Try
Most women who have hip pain typically aren’t comfortable in the traditional missionary position (lying on your back) because it requires an abduction movement of your hips. Instead try both partners lying on their (good) sides, with a pillow between your thighs to help relieve any painful angle of knees. Or you can try lying on your back on the edge of the bed with your partner standing up at the end. Or, you can kneel with your body supported by furniture or pillows.
Best Comfortable Sex Tip
Use pillows or a bed wedge to cushion your body in different places to make sex more comfortable.